Take a look at me now,

Vince, I'm sorry I bailed on you Thursday. Susan, I know I promised to go Friday, but did I tell you I tend to break my promises? And here I am on Saturday. It's two 'o ' clock and i'm still wrapped under my sheets of smoke. I must pry myself out of bed for another day of doom. Sometimes I  wonder why I even leave this nest.  The first thing I think upon awakening is, "Tiffany, you have already failed. Go back to sleep. The world has pwnd your little, feeble, ass."  That is when I have to 'be strong' and say  , "No.  Stop. You can do this. You can beat this shit." I start to feel a little more competent then I once was, but find myself cracking open booze by myself. I start to drown. So right. And no one is here to stop me.

 A day goes by and I'm panicking in front of 'friends.' Better yet, Nicks friends. On their arrival I instantly lost myself. .. So much to the point where I had to leave and why? Why must I feel so guilty and uneasy. For awhile I realized, that these people are not my friends. Why try making things like this work, when they never will. Lesson learned. Lesson not learned. Lesson learned again.

A new  day. I awake to dinner. A few of my gals want to see 'Baby Mama.' I'm not intrigued, but decide to do whatever I can to enjoy this. As we turned the corner to our destination, a mass amount of anxiety took me in. It took over my body, my mind, my soul. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to vomit my dying insides. I didn't end up making it. I couldn't. I could not walk into that movie theater, because that building was on fire and no one or anything could put it out. It was a straight up DEATH TRAP. Back to my dungeon I call home.

We're over and i'm finally ok with that. I do NOT plan on finding 'love' anytime soon. I WILL still fantasize about things such as anhilating the fuck out of Jared Leto. (Pre the eyeliner please.)  Hopefully when the time comes, it'll be on a much larger hammock.